[Valkyrie]
Ok shev i got you all chained up and the only way you can get loose is to answer these
guy-smashing jokes. Ready?
[shevette]
i guess so, i don't have much choice...
[Valkyrie]
Ok here we go... What do you do if your boyfriend walks out?
[shevette]
Ahhh... Guy-smashing huh? i guess close the door?
[Valkyrie]
Very good shevette. By the way, which do you prefer; shevette or shev?
[shevette]
shevette, but tracee calls me either shevy or chebby.
[Valkyrie]
ok SHEV, When do you care for a man's company?
[shevette]
(pout) When he owns it?
[Valkyrie]
very good, Quickly now. how many men does it take to wallpaper a bathroom?
[shevette]
ummm... Three - if you slice them very thinly.
[Valkyrie]
Why do men get married?
[shevette]
So they don't have to hold their stomachs in anymore?
[Valkyrie]
What are a woman's four favorite animals?
[shevette]
A cute kitty cat, a bunny, a fresh born chick, and ahh.. a cute puppy?
[Valkyrie]
WRONG! A mink in the closet, a Jaguar in the garage, a tiger
in the bedroom, and an ass to pay for it all.
[shevette]
Hey no fair! That's a woman-basher!
[Valkyrie]
Just keeping you on your toes.
[shevette]
i'm on my toes, how about letting me down now?
[Valkyrie]
How do you get a man to do sit-ups?
[shevette]
i know that one - put the remote control between his toes!
[Valkyrie]
LOL! ok, why are dumb blonde jokes so short?
[shevette]
So men can remember them?
[Valkyrie]
What did God say after creating man?
[shevette]
"Hmmm, too many ribs."
[Valkyrie]
No, but close! "I must be able to do better than that."
[shevette]
Ewww! That's a stinko! - the joke i mean...
[Valkyrie]
What did God say after she made Eve?
[shevette]
i give.
[Valkyrie]
"Practice makes perfect."
[Valkyrie]
What's the difference between men and government bonds?
[shevette]
Ahhh... bonds mature?
[Valkyrie]
What is the one thing that all men at singles bars have in common?
[shevette]
They're married! LOL
[Valkyrie]
Why do men buy electric lawn mowers?
[shevette]
They like the fact that it has a cord maybe?
[Valkyrie]
Ya, so they can find their way back to the house.
[shevette]
Low one Val!
[Valkyrie]
Why are married women heavier than single women?
[shevette]
Sounds like a woman-bashing joke. Because they don't have to hold their stomachs in any more?
[Valkyrie]
No shev.Single women come home, see what's in the fridge and
go to bed. Married women come home, see what's in bed
and go to the fridge.
[shevette]
Ewwwww...
[Valkyrie]
What do you call a man who has lost 95% of his brainpower?
[shevette]
i give, what?
[Valkyrie]
A widower.
[Valkyrie]
Man says to God: "God, why did you make woman so beautiful?"
[Valkyrie]
God says: "So you would love her."
[Valkyrie]
"But God," the man says, "why did you make her so dumb?"
[shevette]
Huh?
[Valkyrie]
God says: "So she would love you."
[shevette]
LOL
[Valkyrie]
Why did Moses wander the desert for 40 years?
[shevette]
Couldn't find the exit ramp?
[Valkyrie]
No, he wouldn't ask for directions.
[Valkyrie]
What's the best form of birth control after 50?
[shevette]
i give.
[Valkyrie]
Nudity
[shevette]
Ewwww... oh you gotta untie me!
[Valkyrie]
What's the difference between a girlfriend and a wife?
[shevette]
i give. Let me down, ok?
[Valkyrie]
45 lbs
[Valkyrie]
What's the difference between a boyfriend and a husband?
[shevette]
45 pounds?
[Valkyrie]
No, 45 minutes.
[shevette]
Oh gosh!
[Valkyrie]
What's the fastest way to a man's heart?
[shevette]
Though his stomach!
[Valkyrie]
Through his chest with a sharp knife.
[shevette]
OW! Let me down!
[bindvicki]
Why do men want to marry virgins?
[shevette]
They can't stand criticism?
[Valkyrie]
Ok then why is it so hard for women to find men who are sensitive, caring, and good looking?
[shevette]
Hmmm guy bashing... ..because those men already have boyfriends?
[bindvicki]
What's the difference between a new husband and a new dog?
[shevette]
i give...
[bindvicki]
After a year, the dog is still excited to see you.
[Valkyrie]
What makes men chase women they have no intention of marrying?
[shevette]
The same urge that makes dogs chase cars they have no intention of driving?
[bindvicki]
Very good shev!
[shevette]
So you'll let me down now?
[bindvicki]
No.
[Valkyrie]
What do you call a smart blonde? Be careful how you answer...
[shevette]
i dunno, never met one! giggle
[Valkyrie]
Oh you'll pay for that shev!A golden retriever.
[shevette]
A golden retriver? i don't get it.
[Valkyrie]
I rest my case...
[Valkyrie]
Why does the bride always wear white?
[shevette]
No comment...
[Valkyrie]
Because it's good for the dishwasher to match the stove and refrigerator.
[Valkyrie]
Was that me who said that?
[shevette]
No comment blondie... giggle
[Valkyrie]
Oh i'll get you for that shev! A brunette, a blonde, and a redhead are all in third grade. Who
has the biggest boobs?
[shevette]
i know! i know! The blonde, because she's 18!
[Valkyrie]
GRRR! Which sexual position produces the ugliest children? - Ask your mom shevette!
[shevette]
Hey!
[Valkyrie]
How do you know when you're really ugly?
[shevette]
Not touching my next line with a ten foot pole!
[bindvicki]
Dogs hump your leg with their eyes closed.
[shevette]
LOL!
[Valkyrie]
How do you know when you're leading a pathetic life?
[shevette]
Ahhhh... When a nymphomaniac tells you, "Lets just be friends."
[bindvicki]
You got the last one.
[shevette]
Ya, now let me down, ok?
[Valkyrie]
Answer me this then... If Mom's have Mother's day, Dad's have Fathers day, what do single guys
have?
[shevette]
Valentine's Day?
[Valkyrie]
No, Palm Sunday.
[shevette]
Rats!
[Valkyrie]
Ok, answer this then... What does a 75 year old woman have between her breasts?
[shevette]
Her bra?
[Valkyrie]
No, her navel!
[shevette]
Ewwww! This is cruel and unusual punishment!
[Valkyrie]
What has a whole bunch of little balls and screws old ladies?
[shevette]
Midgets on a bus?
[bindvicki]
No, it's a bingo machine.
[shevette]
Where's the Geniva Convention cops when you need them?
[Valkyrie]
What's the difference between a porcupine and a BMW?
[shevette]
One is a car?
[bindvicki]
A porcupine has the pricks on the outside?
[shevette]
Halp! She's killing me here!
[bindvicki]
Why did God create alcohol?
[shevette]
Times like this?
[Valkyrie]
So ugly people could have sex, too.
[shevette]
No comment.
[Valkyrie]
What did the blonde say when she found out she was pregnant?
[shevette]
You don't know the answer to that?
[bindvicki]
Remember that I have the keys you two!
[shevette]
Oh ok, the answer is, "Are you sure it's mine?"
[Valkyrie]
You are not helping our case shevette...
[Valkyrie]
What's the difference between Beer Nuts and Deer Nuts?
[shevette]
If i answer that one you'll never let me down?
[bindvicki]
Beer Nuts are $1, and Deer Nuts are always under a buck.
[bindvicki]
Why does Mike Tyson cry during sex?
[shevette]
i dunno, but i hope it has nothing to do with deer nuts...
[bindvicki]
Mace will do that to you.
[shevette]
Ewwww!
[Valkyrie]
Ewwwww...
[Valkyrie]
Did you hear about the Chinese couple who had a retarded baby?
[shevette]
No, i didn't.
[Valkyrie]
They named him Sum Ting Wong.
[shevette]
Ewww! This constites torture, let me down!
[Valkyrie]
What would you call it when an Italian has one arm shorter than the other?
[shevette]
i dunno, whatever you say...
[bindvicki]
A speech impediment. LOL
[shevette]
Rolls eyes.
[Valkyrie]
Ok then, why do men find it difficult to make eye contact?
[shevette]
does this involve a blindfold?
[Valkyrie]
Breasts don't have eyes.
[shevette]
If this was a firing squad i'd get the option of a blindfold, can i ask that Val be gagged?
[bindvicki]
No, but i'll gag you if you want?
[shevette]
Only if it covers my ears...
[Valkyrie]
What do you call an Alabama farmer with a sheep under each arm?
[bindvicki]
A bigomist?
[Valkyrie]
A pimp.
[Valkyrie]
Why do drivers education classes in redneck schools use the car only on Mondays, Wednesdays, and
Fridays?
[shevette]
They got confused and thought 'T' days were 'V-days'?
[bindvicki]
Because on Tuesday and Thursday, the Sex Ed class uses it.
[bindvicki]
What's the difference between a Southern zoo and a Northern zoo?
[shevette]
Latitude?
[Valkyrie]
No silly, a Southern zoo has a description of the animal on the front the cage, along
with a recipe!
[shevette]
Moan!
[bindvicki]
What's the Cuban National Anthem?
[shevette]
"Carry Me Back to old Virginy"? "Sweet Home Alabama"?
[Valkyrie]
No, it's "Row, Row, Row Your Boat"!
[Valkyrie]
You're from the South, aren't you shev?
[shevette]
i usta be, why?
[Valkyrie]
Well this one oughta be easy for you then.
[shevette]
You mean it's cyanide?
[Valkyrie]
You wish. What's the difference between a Northern fairytale and a Southern fairytale?
[shevette]
Not much?
[Valkyrie]
A Northern fairytale begins "Once upon a time."
[shevette]
i guess so...
[Valkyrie]
A Southern fairytale begins "Y'all ain't gonna believe this shit!"
[shevette]
The pain the pain...
