Val ties up shevette?


“THE GOOD, THE BAD, & THE UGLY jokes”


We'd call these jokes "men-smashers". They arn't true... ..not exactly. giggle

[Valkyrie] Ok shev i got you all chained up and the only way you can get loose is to answer these guy-smashing jokes. Ready?
[shevette] i guess so, i don't have much choice...

[Valkyrie] Ok here we go... What do you do if your boyfriend walks out?
[shevette] Ahhh... Guy-smashing huh? i guess close the door?

[Valkyrie] Very good shevette. By the way, which do you prefer; shevette or shev?
[shevette] shevette, but tracee calls me either shevy or chebby.
[Valkyrie] ok SHEV, When do you care for a man's company?
[shevette] (pout) When he owns it?

[Valkyrie] very good, Quickly now. how many men does it take to wallpaper a bathroom?
[shevette] ummm... Three - if you slice them very thinly.

[Valkyrie] Why do men get married?
[shevette] So they don't have to hold their stomachs in anymore?

[Valkyrie] What are a woman's four favorite animals?
[shevette] A cute kitty cat, a bunny, a fresh born chick, and ahh.. a cute puppy?
[Valkyrie] WRONG! A mink in the closet, a Jaguar in the garage, a tiger in the bedroom, and an ass to pay for it all.
[shevette] Hey no fair! That's a woman-basher!
[Valkyrie] Just keeping you on your toes.
[shevette] i'm on my toes, how about letting me down now?

[Valkyrie] How do you get a man to do sit-ups?
[shevette] i know that one - put the remote control between his toes!

[Valkyrie] LOL! ok, why are dumb blonde jokes so short?
[shevette] So men can remember them?

[Valkyrie] What did God say after creating man?
[shevette] "Hmmm, too many ribs."
[Valkyrie] No, but close! "I must be able to do better than that."
[shevette] Ewww! That's a stinko! - the joke i mean...
[Valkyrie] What did God say after she made Eve?
[shevette] i give.
[Valkyrie] "Practice makes perfect."

[Valkyrie] What's the difference between men and government bonds?
[shevette] Ahhh... bonds mature?

[Valkyrie] What is the one thing that all men at singles bars have in common?
[shevette] They're married! LOL

[Valkyrie] Why do men buy electric lawn mowers?
[shevette] They like the fact that it has a cord maybe?
[Valkyrie] Ya, so they can find their way back to the house.
[shevette] Low one Val!

[Valkyrie] Why are married women heavier than single women?
[shevette] Sounds like a woman-bashing joke. Because they don't have to hold their stomachs in any more?
[Valkyrie] No shev.Single women come home, see what's in the fridge and go to bed. Married women come home, see what's in bed and go to the fridge.
[shevette] Ewwwww...

[Valkyrie] What do you call a man who has lost 95% of his brainpower?
[shevette] i give, what?
[Valkyrie] A widower.

[Valkyrie] Man says to God: "God, why did you make woman so beautiful?"
[Valkyrie] God says: "So you would love her."
[Valkyrie] "But God," the man says, "why did you make her so dumb?"
[shevette] Huh?
[Valkyrie] God says: "So she would love you."
[shevette] LOL

[Valkyrie] Why did Moses wander the desert for 40 years?
[shevette] Couldn't find the exit ramp?
[Valkyrie] No, he wouldn't ask for directions.

[Valkyrie] What's the best form of birth control after 50?
[shevette] i give.
[Valkyrie] Nudity
[shevette] Ewwww... oh you gotta untie me!

[Valkyrie] What's the difference between a girlfriend and a wife?
[shevette] i give. Let me down, ok?
[Valkyrie] 45 lbs

[Valkyrie] What's the difference between a boyfriend and a husband?
[shevette] 45 pounds?
[Valkyrie] No, 45 minutes.
[shevette] Oh gosh!

[Valkyrie] What's the fastest way to a man's heart?
[shevette] Though his stomach!
[Valkyrie] Through his chest with a sharp knife.
[shevette] OW! Let me down!

bindvicki has us both tied up!


[bindvicki] Why do men want to marry virgins?
[shevette] They can't stand criticism?

[Valkyrie] Ok then why is it so hard for women to find men who are sensitive, caring, and good looking?
[shevette] Hmmm guy bashing... ..because those men already have boyfriends?

[bindvicki] What's the difference between a new husband and a new dog?
[shevette] i give...
[bindvicki] After a year, the dog is still excited to see you.

[Valkyrie] What makes men chase women they have no intention of marrying?
[shevette] The same urge that makes dogs chase cars they have no intention of driving?

[bindvicki] Very good shev!
[shevette] So you'll let me down now?
[bindvicki] No.
[Valkyrie] What do you call a smart blonde? Be careful how you answer...
[shevette] i dunno, never met one! giggle
[Valkyrie] Oh you'll pay for that shev!A golden retriever.
[shevette] A golden retriver? i don't get it.
[Valkyrie] I rest my case...

[Valkyrie] Why does the bride always wear white?
[shevette] No comment...
[Valkyrie] Because it's good for the dishwasher to match the stove and refrigerator.
[Valkyrie] Was that me who said that?
[shevette] No comment blondie... giggle

[Valkyrie] Oh i'll get you for that shev! A brunette, a blonde, and a redhead are all in third grade. Who has the biggest boobs?
[shevette] i know! i know! The blonde, because she's 18!

[Valkyrie] GRRR! Which sexual position produces the ugliest children? - Ask your mom shevette!
[shevette] Hey!

[Valkyrie] How do you know when you're really ugly?
[shevette] Not touching my next line with a ten foot pole!
[bindvicki] Dogs hump your leg with their eyes closed.
[shevette] LOL!

[Valkyrie] How do you know when you're leading a pathetic life?
[shevette] Ahhhh... When a nymphomaniac tells you, "Lets just be friends."

[bindvicki] You got the last one.
[shevette] Ya, now let me down, ok?
[Valkyrie] Answer me this then... If Mom's have Mother's day, Dad's have Fathers day, what do single guys have?
[shevette] Valentine's Day?
[Valkyrie] No, Palm Sunday.
[shevette] Rats!

[Valkyrie] Ok, answer this then... What does a 75 year old woman have between her breasts?
[shevette] Her bra?
[Valkyrie] No, her navel!
[shevette] Ewwww! This is cruel and unusual punishment!

[Valkyrie] What has a whole bunch of little balls and screws old ladies?
[shevette] Midgets on a bus?
[bindvicki] No, it's a bingo machine.
[shevette] Where's the Geniva Convention cops when you need them?

[Valkyrie] What's the difference between a porcupine and a BMW?
[shevette] One is a car?
[bindvicki] A porcupine has the pricks on the outside?
[shevette] Halp! She's killing me here!

[bindvicki] Why did God create alcohol?
[shevette] Times like this?
[Valkyrie] So ugly people could have sex, too.
[shevette] No comment.

[Valkyrie] What did the blonde say when she found out she was pregnant?
[shevette] You don't know the answer to that?
[bindvicki] Remember that I have the keys you two!
[shevette] Oh ok, the answer is, "Are you sure it's mine?"
[Valkyrie] You are not helping our case shevette...

[Valkyrie] What's the difference between Beer Nuts and Deer Nuts?
[shevette] If i answer that one you'll never let me down?
[bindvicki] Beer Nuts are $1, and Deer Nuts are always under a buck.

[bindvicki] Why does Mike Tyson cry during sex?
[shevette] i dunno, but i hope it has nothing to do with deer nuts...
[bindvicki] Mace will do that to you.
[shevette] Ewwww!
[Valkyrie] Ewwwww...

[Valkyrie] Did you hear about the Chinese couple who had a retarded baby?
[shevette] No, i didn't.
[Valkyrie] They named him Sum Ting Wong.
[shevette] Ewww! This constites torture, let me down!

[Valkyrie] What would you call it when an Italian has one arm shorter than the other?
[shevette] i dunno, whatever you say...
[bindvicki] A speech impediment. LOL
[shevette] Rolls eyes.

[Valkyrie] Ok then, why do men find it difficult to make eye contact?
[shevette] does this involve a blindfold?
[Valkyrie] Breasts don't have eyes.
[shevette] If this was a firing squad i'd get the option of a blindfold, can i ask that Val be gagged?
[bindvicki] No, but i'll gag you if you want?
[shevette] Only if it covers my ears...

[Valkyrie] What do you call an Alabama farmer with a sheep under each arm?
[bindvicki] A bigomist?
[Valkyrie] A pimp.

[Valkyrie] Why do drivers education classes in redneck schools use the car only on Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays?
[shevette] They got confused and thought 'T' days were 'V-days'?
[bindvicki] Because on Tuesday and Thursday, the Sex Ed class uses it.

[bindvicki] What's the difference between a Southern zoo and a Northern zoo?
[shevette] Latitude?
[Valkyrie] No silly, a Southern zoo has a description of the animal on the front the cage, along with a recipe!
[shevette] Moan!

[bindvicki] What's the Cuban National Anthem?
[shevette] "Carry Me Back to old Virginy"? "Sweet Home Alabama"?
[Valkyrie] No, it's "Row, Row, Row Your Boat"!

[Valkyrie] You're from the South, aren't you shev?
[shevette] i usta be, why?
[Valkyrie] Well this one oughta be easy for you then.
[shevette] You mean it's cyanide?
[Valkyrie] You wish. What's the difference between a Northern fairytale and a Southern fairytale?
[shevette] Not much?
[Valkyrie] A Northern fairytale begins "Once upon a time."
[shevette] i guess so...
[Valkyrie] A Southern fairytale begins "Y'all ain't gonna believe this shit!"
[shevette] The pain the pain...

Afterwards bind vicki
 lets Val  and me down.
She reminded me of that guy on TV, "Can you hear me now? Can you hear me now? LOL!"


“Helpful Hints for Life”
by bindvicki


Here's some things that you should know...

If your computer says, "Printer out of Paper," this problem cannot be resolved by continuously clicking the "OK" button.

If you want your refrigerator's ice maker to work, you need to hook it to a water source. Air doesn't make good ice unless it is mixed with water.

No matter how much data you add to your laptop, it will not get heavier.

A bad place to store your emergency backup diskette is on the underside of your desk drawer, secured by a large magnet.

It's okay to use the Polaroid Land Camera on a boat.

When the PC says, "Insert diskette #2," don't do it immediately. Remove disk #1 first, even if you're sure you can make them both fit in there.

When your PC says "You have mail," don't go to the front door and look for a package.

The French version of Netscape Navigator doesn't translate English language web pages into French.

If you're in the armed services, and it's April 1st, and you get an e-mail message to call Colonel Sanders for new orders, don't.

If you go to the computer store to buy a mousepad, you don't have to specify whether it's for a Windows or a Macintosh.

“THE GOOD, THE BAD, & THE UGLY jokes”

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Red's Realm Copyright 1997-2003 by Robert E. (Red) Daly and shevette the sub, all rights reserved.