Valkyrie
born 2/14/78 in Pueblo, Colorado, but living in
Atlanta, Georgia for now.
I say I'm nearly 6' tall, because being 5'11" is
almost 6', and being 5'10 1/2" is almost 5'11. Come to
think of it, if you keep working down the scale like
that, 2" is "nearly" 6'tall- it's a lot closer than 1"
is!
I have long blonde hair that I keep tied out of my
face with bandannas or scarves. The fact that
bandannas or scarves can ALSO be used in bondage must
be coincidence. Must be. I'm sure of it.
I work 3 jobs, one full time, one part time, and one
whenever I can time. Only some weird jags of insomnia
and a flexible schedule gives me the time to be in
chat, usually after midnight or early am.
My non bondage interests are science fiction and
roleplaying games like Dungeons & Dragons, and comic
books. I started "geeking out" in high school, and it
seems to be a bottomless pit. I love stong female
heroines, like Xena, Wonder Woman, Trinity (the
Matrix), Buffy, Anita Blake Vampire Hunter,
Witchblade, Danger Girl, Black Canary, Lara Croft
(Tomb Raider), Ripley (Aliens) and the like. My
favorite movies include The Matrix, Highlander, The
Princess Bride, Romancing the Stone, My Best Friend's
Wedding, and more.
I love archery, fencing, jogging, and horses.
I am interested in women's rights and promoting
equality and breaking glass ceilings, but I am also
interested in erasing division lines between special
interest groups, so we all work together to advancing
human rights as a whole, instead of each group trying
to fight uphill battles on their own like endangered
species. I promote women's self-defense and safety. I
usually carry pepper spray and handcuffs with me. I
try to be on the cautious side, which is why I don't
circulate pictures of myself. I'm sure Sarah Kozer
(Joe Millionaire) feels the same way, now.
I am interested in promoting love as a limitless
source of energy, not something that has to be pointed
at one focus like a hose, but can wash over us all
like rain. I don't believe loving one person means you
try to stop loving everyone else. Love can cover a
whole spectrum, and shouldn't be one shade. Love is
stronger than anything. I am a practicing Christian.
I am interested in promoting bondage as something
normal people do, and helping the bondage community as
a whole, and Sir Red and Shevette specifically in any
way I can.
I have had sexual experiences with men and women, but
think of myself as heterosexual.
My role models are my mum, my aunt, my cousin, and
shevette.
But the biggest thing I want you to know is that I am
getting married 5/10/3. After 3/18/3 I will only be in
the chat room wearing his "collar". Although I don't
wear one in real life, I'll have a wedding ring, and
this is the chat room equivalent. I will PM, but don't
ever want to mislead anyone to thinking it means
anything to me, outside the borders of the internet.
I'm not looking to trade in my man yet, check me again
in 50 years. -Valkyrie
Val has her own site that's free, here's the address:
CASUALBONDAGE
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BONDAGE BASICS (SAFETY) by valkyrie
There was a little message scrawling across the bottom of the screen at the Ropetalk chat room that said: “coming soon- a room to explain the bondage basics, whatever that means” (or something like that). I didn’t know what Sir Red had in mind, exactly, or how “basic” he wanted his bondage basics article. But I did know that I wanted to see an article like that, and I might not be a bad person to write it- I like my bondage pretty basic. No strait Jacket, no suspension winches, no rack or cat o’ 9 tails. Rope and bandanna and some stuff you ALREADY HAVE AROUND THE HOUSE, and you’re good to go.
I’m not going into technical details like which knots are best and stuff like that, there’s tons of good material out there to help you with that. This is for someone who wants to get started, and has no idea how, or what any of this means. I’m just answering all the questions that I already asked and answered.
Bondage is covered under an umbrella abbreviated as “BDSM”. Let me break that down, because it’s several abbreviations all jammed together:
B & D means “bondage and discipline”, where someone gets tied up and spanked or punished.
D & S means “Dominance and Submission”, where one person is the master and the other is the servant.
S & M is “Sadism and Masochism”, where there is an exchange of pain.
B/D/D/S/S/M= BDSM, ok?
Here is where some people stumble- these are all separate activities. Sure, they can all be jammed together. But you can also like one without liking any of the other stuff. You like to be pushed around, but you don’t want to be tied up? Submission but no bondage. You want to be tied up but don’t want to be hurt? Bondage but no Masochism. You can mix and match to your heart’s desire, and leave out anything that doesn’t fit, isn’t fun, doesn’t feel right.
Bondage PLAY. When people talk about doing this stuff, they are talking about different kinds of Play. Just like when you were a kid, except maybe now there might be some sex involved. And I do mean “might”- some people use this as foreplay to sex, but sex doesn’t have to be involved either! You decide where you draw the line.
This is play, as in, a game. And just as in any game, there are rules. What are the rules? Well, those differ just a little from couple to couple, but everyone agrees on at least these:
SAFE SANE CONSENSUAL
If it isn’t safe, sane, and consensual, you are not, strictly speaking, doing bondage play. If it isn’t safe, you are going to get seriously hurt. If it isn’t sane, you are going to get seriously hurt. If it isn’t consensual, it is a crime.
This is the part that confuses people and provides the misconceptions about bondage. In bondage PLAY, everyone has a good time. No one is seriously damaged beyond their ability to tolerate. No one does anything they don’t want to do. Play kidnapping and play rape is very different from the real thing.
SAFE= there is a way to do this safely, so no one is hurt. All it takes is the patience to learn what you are doing and not rush into anything or try something you aren’t ready for.
SANE= trying something against the law, or dangerous, may not be the sane choice. There is a way to do this without being crazy about it.
CONSENSUAL= this means that you and your partner(s) all agree ahead of time what you are going to do, how you are going to do it, what is involved and when to stop. If someone lets you tie them up (or maybe even asks you to tie them up) then it is consensual, meaning you have their permission to do this.
NEGOTIATION
So, how do you arrange all this? Well, the consensual part comes when you find a partner(s) and decide to play and experiment. First, you negotiate what you are going to do- you say what you want to do, and what you are willing to do. Your partner says what he wants you to do, and what he’s willing to do. When you have a range of boundaries, what everyone is and isn’t comfortable with, then you can work out the specifics. Negotiation is just finding out the do’s and don’ts BEFORE YOU DO ANYTHING, so no one is hurt or mad or filing charges later.
It has been a while since I have negotiated a scene myself, because my partners know what I like and what I hate, so I don’t have to bring it up every time. But if you are just starting out, be as SPECIFIC as possible, as often as possible. The more you know ahead of time, the less trouble you can get in later, right? Just for an example, these are some of my guidelines when I play:
- No collars. Collars are for dogs, not people.
- No anal. Nothing goes up my ass. That’s “exit only”.
- No visitors. This is not theatre in the round.
- No pictures. No videotape.
- No dildos, no vibrators. Although I wouldn’t mind owning one, I don’t want a surprise gift in the middle of a scene.
- Do not fantasize that I am any other woman or celebrity.
- Nothing tied around my neck that might choke me. No leashes.
- No tattoos, piercings, brandings, or marks that don’t fade within 48 hrs.
- Nothing unclean in my mouth, or any other opening.
- I get to brag to my friends about how good you were. Unless you weren’t.
These are some of my guidelines, but you get the idea. Work out ahead of time if there’s going to be pictures, or if you can tell anyone after. You may LOVE collars, or want a specific costume, or want certain music played. Work out as much detail as you can, and you avoid grief after.
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SAFEWORD
But working out the details ahead of time doesn’t account for everything. Your submissive might start sneezing, or have a cramp, or get scared or shy or bored, or be in real pain. They want to stop, and whatever the reason, they will have to let you know. This is where the safeword comes in. Now, you would think that “no! Please untie me!” would make a good safeword, but it’s actually a crappy safeword. Many people like the struggle and melodrama of the damsel in distress. They want to be able to playact fear without you freaking out on them. The dominant likewise wants to know that the submissive isn’t being serious. So, devise a word ahead of time that is a signal to let them know that they aren’t joking, and playtime is over. It can be something unusual that you wouldn’t blurt out normally, like “jellybean”, or it can be the person’s maiden name or full name. The word “Safeword” might be used as a safeword. Or, go with the traffic light system- “green” means you are ok with what they are doing, and only playing. “yellow” means you are starting to experience discomfort, and you don’t want to quit, but wish they would move on to something else (enough with the spanking, how about some tickling?). “Red” means stop, do not pass go, do not collect $200, end this right now. (I’ve never found a safeword that works better than “I have to pee.”)
Safewords are designed to keep this as play, to keep from crossing boundaries and going into real pain, or facing real prosecution. The submissive may decide to call the safeword 5 minutes after you get them tied up- that’s their right. They may have decided this isn’t something they want to do after all, or they may just want to know that you’ll honor the safeword. Joking that you won’t honor it, or not honoring it once they call it, is considered non-consensual, and after that it’s legally actionable. You may wind up in court, or at the very least lost any hope of playing with this submissive again.
SAFEWORDS AND GAGS
If your submissive is gagged, they can’t speak a safeword, but they should have a non-verbal one. Humming a tune like happy birthday, or 3 grunts like an S.O.S. are good examples. Mine is snapping my fingers. It might be a good idea to know if your dominant will honor a safeword before you consent to a gag.
SILENT SAFEWORD
Arrange to have someone know where you are, and call to check on you to make sure you “escaped” safely. Make sure your dominant knows that people will be looking for you. This keeps you grounded, gives the game more safety nets, and may keep things from getting too far out of hand.
More on consensual- you want to play in a location where you won’t disturb the people around you. Someone seeing you might not know you are “playing” and think a real crime is in progress. Disturbing the peace is a crime all by itself. Some cops might understand (hey, they have handcuffs, too) but others might want to give you a hard time, especially if they’ve been called away from dinner to investigate a “kidnapping”. A visit by the cops can sure spoil a mood.
SAFETY
That is a good start on “ConsensuaL” how about safe? Well, check your submissive’s circulation and responses. Verbal confirmations are good, eye contact will do. Don’t have any open flames or any equipment where it can be kicked over. Avoid things that can choke. Avoid having the submissive hanging by any limbs for very long. Your submissive is like an invalid patient, reliant on you for everything. Test keys in locks before you lock them around a wrist. Think about everything that could go wrong, then make sure it doesn’t, and be ready if it does.
SANITY
Most of the bondage community goes with “safe, sane, and consensual”. My personal rules are “Safe, sanitary, and consensual”- If they have my permission and keep me clean and safe, that pretty much covers the sanity issue for me. Hopefully, you found out how sane the person was during the negotiation, and have otherwise pre-arranged for your rescue by a 3rd party if they turn out to be otherwise. Be warned that playing with bondage, and dominance and submission, can lead to some deep areas. You may discover your partner was raped or abused in the past, or it might dredge up some fears or issues. This can be a deep and powerful experience for some people. It can be hard on a submissive to go from being someone’s slave, to being a responsible adult again. Give some time to “come down” after a scene.
TRUST
Bondage is mostly a test of trust. You better have a great deal of trust in someone before you’re tied up and at their mercy. Its about an exchange of power- 2 people come together as equals, but one agrees to let the other have power over them for a while. It can be scary, it can be rewarding, it can be fun, it can be harmful. There is no such thing as “too safe” in this. The best thing to do is start slowly, and build as you go. The first time doesn’t have to be spectacular, but if it goes bad, there won’t be a second time. Paying attention to safety and keeping things safe, sane, and consensual is the way to keep it from going badly.
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Has Val got herself together or what?
